Thank You

When I started Amanda and Me, I sub-titled it Amanda "Braveheart" Warnock Cross - from her dad's point of view. She was still alive and we still had hope that she would recover. People were engaged with the blog from the very beginning. We all know she didn't make it, but she fought until the end. People continued to be engaged with the blog. We've shared stories of Amanda from other contributors and hope to share more. We want to say a sincere THANK YOU to all who've read, commented, shared and contributed. Your care for Amanda while alive and your memories now have been extremely comforting to her sisters, her mother and me.

It has almost been a month since she went to be with Jesus, and her loved ones are still grieving. Her mother, her sister's and I know without a doubt where she is and that she is happy. While she was far from perfect while in this life (as none of us are) she is closer now to perfection than ever and we know she will be made perfect in the Resurrection. Having said these things, I would still ask that you would continue to pray for those who still grieve her absence...

• Please continue to lift Cody in your prayers. He is still having a very hard time and needs your prayers for him in the present. Please pray that his decisions will honor Amanda's memory. Please pray for his future. Pray that it will be good. Pray that he will find love again. He's far too young to live life alone. He turned 22 just two days before the funeral. In Genesis 2:18 we read...The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." NIV. We know that Amanda, in her current state, would not want Cody to live his entire life without someone to love and marry and give Gina those grandbabies that would have literally killed Amanda to have. Please pray for a bright future for Cody.
• Please pray for Amanda's sisters Rachel and Jessica. They are VERY strong women, just like Amanda and their mother. Still, they loved her, they miss her and they need the comfort that only God can give them. Jessica was Amanda's closest confidant and friend. She and Amanda would talk for hours on the phone and tell each other things that they could only share with each other. Jessica knows more about who Amanda really was than anybody. Jessica's feelings at this time seem to be the most neglected or shall we say, taken for granted. As her twin, her bond is different than any of ours and she needs to be lifted up by our prayers. She is an excellent wife, an amazing mother, a loving daughter and a big part of her has gone ahead to Heaven. She really misses Amanda and while the rest of us were consoled and comforted by many people, she and her relationship have been the least understood. We need your prayers for her. Drop her a message on Facebook too, to let her know you care.
• Please continue to pray for Veronica. She worked so hard to care for Amanda for the best part of 22 years and worried while she was so far away, alone, in the cold ugly Seattle winter. Veronica really misses Amanda
• Pray for Cody's mom and dad. Guide them to guide him and his future, They are very close to Cody and love him very much.
• I want to thank you for your prayers, kind words and consideration. Thank you for loving my little girl and the rest of the Warnocks. While no man is an island, and I still need your prayers, I know that my Redeemer Lives and that Amanda is in His loving arms and that all things work together for good for those who love God. Amanda's death has brought out strength and courage that I did not know was there. I fear no evil, and will confront it when I see it. I think Amanda believed that strength was always there, though. It seemed like she read most people fairly well. When you pray for us, you are honoring Amanda, so again, thank you.

I will continue this blog until no one reads it any more. That is currently not a problem. We have had well over 8000 page views so far. I hope to feature stories about other CFers, and hope to use this blog to garner more donations for the Cystic Fibrosis Foundtion as they fight for a cure. Thank you to all who have donated as an outcome of Amanda going home. For those of you who mentioned Amanda while making your donation, we receive a letter from CFF and it warms our hearts to see your support for our cause. While we all grieve differently, this blog has been part of my therapy and recovery and I thank you for that. So it's good bye... until the next post. Again, thank you and may God bless each of you

Rachel and Amanda...

This post written by Rachel, Amanda's big sister. Be sure to check out the pictures at the end...

My sister has always been my biggest encourager.  She always had faith in me, even when I couldn’t, saying to me ‘Rachel I love you, I believe in you.’  That’s all it took.  Even coming from my baby sister I would hang on her every word.  Amanda was beyond thoughtful, I was always secretly trying to be as brave and strong as her.  The memories abound, one of the first ones came to me while I was looking at pictures the day Amanda passed.  I was in my living room when my daughter Gwendalyn came up to me.  She looked at me, smiled.  Gwen said, “Mommy sad?”.  I replied, “Yes mommy sad, I miss aunt Momo.”.   My sweet daughter smiled again and in such clear words said to me, “Mommy, Momo home with Jesus.  Momo happy. Mommy happy too. “ .  I was astounded.  I had not said anything to her about what had happened, Gwen had only turned two a short month ago.  How could my sweet girl just happen to put those words together?   Those words?  I know it was another way for me to find comfort.  I just could not believe my ears.

So I began to think of the special bond Amanda had with each one of her nieces and nephews.  Amanda was the cool aunt that brought them treats, would play the games with the kids and when it was time to change a diaper she would hand them back to their mom in real cool aunt fashion.  Gwenny took to aunt Momo immediately.  When I had Gwen, I ended up having to have an emergency c-section after being induced.  It wasn’t what I had pictured at all, but was all worth it when I laid eyes on my sweet girl.  One thing that did happen was Gwen’s name.  Her full name is Gwendalyn Elizabeth Nelson.  Jacob and I had struggled with girl names, we did know that we wanted to name our first daughter after my sister.  I wanted my daughter to be like her.  To me brave, kind, loving, honorable, adventurous, and  blessing to all who meet her.  We decided that it would be weird to use Amanda’s first name so we used her middle name as Gwen’s, Elizabeth. 

Amanda lived in another state at the time and told me she wouldn’t be able to come to meet Gwen for another two months.  I cried and cried.  Here I named my daughter after you and you can’t come!  My little sister wanted to fight.  Ha.  As I waited at home for my parents to come over, who pops through my front door to wrap her arms around me from the backside of my couch?  My sweet beautiful sister,  it ment the world to me to have her there.  I found out later that Amanda had planned the whole thing, she wouldn’t even tell Jessica because she knew Jessica would tell me and ruin the surprise.  To watch Amanda with Gwenny was magical.  Manda was so unsure, but Gwenny she just knew… it’s aunt Momo… she just gazed at her unable to move her stare from those blue eyes. 

My sister is my hero, she is the strongest person I have ever known.  I was so blessed to have her as my sister.  I wouldn’t be the sister, wife, mother, friend or teacher I am today without her.  When I want to give up I look to her.  When I want to second guess something or just go for it, I choose to just go for it and live.  She inspires me to fight for what I know is right.  Through her I have been taught what real compassion is, to care more about others than yourself.  To love like crazy so that no one will ever look back and question if they were loved by me. 

Amanda was the picture of living.  Not letting this awful disease bring her sweet soul down.  She was determined from the beginning to succeed.  I rejoice in my baby sister going home.  She means the world to me and always will.  My daughter will know her.  She will be shown what an amazing woman her aunt was and who I wish for her to be like.  I miss you sister… I really really miss you. 

Cody returns to Washington...

Cody is returning to Silverdale, WA this weekend. He and his parents will be driving there from Texas. It's a long drive. We know, we drove it when Amanda was first hospitalized. Please pray for the Cross' as they drive such a great distance. Also, pray for his brother Kent, his lovely wife and beautiful baby boy as they fly back to Turkey over the next two days.

Veronica and I visited Amanda's grave yesterday afternoon. Veronica has gone each day since Amanda was buried. We were there for a little while, when Cody, his mom and dad and his brother Kent, his wife and cute, sweet baby boy showed up. We think Amanda may have orchestrated it all. We were able to spend some great time together there and then went to one of Amanda's favorite restaurants (TexMex of course) in the area and have dinner with each other. It was perfect.

Cody had spent the night before at our house. I had an obligation on Friday morning, so I went to bed around midnight, but Cody and Veronica stayed up for about 3 more hours and cried together and talked and lived, loved and learned. I know Amanda set that up, too.

We love Cody and hurt for him. His loss, at such a young age, must be devastating. We ask everyone who knows Cody to express your love for him too, whether as a comment to this post or on Facebook. We also ask that all of you pray for him. It will be hard for him to return home alone, without Amanda by his side. We know she is watching over all her loved ones, especially Cody. Please pray that through this dark time he will feel God's love and comfort and continue the good work he started when he joined the Navy to support his wife. Please pray for Cody. Amanda loved him SO MUCH. We do too.

Amanda's Eulogy...

This is the eulogy that was read at Amanda's memorial service. We hope it helps people to know Amanda a little better...

I said so long to a good friend a week ago today. Not forever, but for a little while. Amanda was a daughter, a sister, a wife, a confidant, a friend and a child of God. She was my sister in Christ. Amanda was stronger than most people and faced adversity with a calm, cool, collective demeanor than is rare in society today. She did not run from pain, but faced it head on. She called it “sucking it up”. Most of all, Amanda was a pistol. There was no stopping her. She did what she was going to do and most often did it better than most. She would not let illness stand in her way.

See was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at 4 months of age. That was a hard pill for me to swallow. What I knew about CF was from Public Service Announcements from the 1960's. It is rare that anything makes me weak in the knees, but finding out that one of my precious daughters had a chronic and often terminal illness did just that. It blindsided Veronica and me, but our answer was to fight it to the best of our ability, and reley on God for the rest of the fight and strength we needed. He provided as He always does.

Amanda asked me at around 8 years old, how she could live with Jesus forever. I explained the plan of salvation to her and we prayed the sinners prayer together. From that day on, Amanda was not only my daughter, she was my sister in Christ. She had one of the most amazingly strong faiths I've ever known. In spite of this crushing disease, she never blamed God. Questioned, maybe. Blame, no way. Amanda LOVED the Lord. This gives us great comfort as we know we will see her again. I'll never forget the long talks we've had about Jesus and religion and faith. Her concern was for others, both temporaly and eternally. She really cared about others, almost to a fault. Her life and that huge smile projected her faith in Christ to others.

As a wife, Amanda was a Proverbs 31 woman. If you'd like to know about what kind of wife she was, then read the whole chapter.

Verses 30 and 31 sum up Amanda pretty well. We read:

30 Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
31Honor her for all that her hands have done,and let her works bring her praise at the city gate.

Amanda loved her husband Cody. In spite of her illness, she always tried to make a nice home, keep the books and do any task that Cody asked her to. She was willing to work outside the home to help achieve their goals and plans. She was an amazing wife.

Amanda loved her family. She and her sisters could fight and be mad at each other and have their little tiffs, but if anyone messed with a Warnock, they were messing with her. She loved her Scottish heritage and proudly wore her Rampant Lion tatoo from the Royal Flag of Scotland. She is a proud descendant of The Bruce, King James Stewart, and The Earl of Argyle and Alexander Hamilton. She wore that heritage on her sleeve, so to speak.

We were so incredibly blessed to have Amanda spend the end of last summer and fall with us, while Cody was deployed. We did so many things together and enjoyed every minute of it. We were like the Three Musketeers. Amanda told us of her desire to be a videographer and shoot music videos of country stars. Her dream was to live in Nashville and be a successful producer. She shot her first music video this last fall for an up and coming artist named Zac Young. If Amanda had a goal, she made it a reality. When most people dream, Amanda just plain did. She revealed to us during that time, that we were her best friends. We teared up over such an honor.

Amanda's life was a beautiful testimony. One of faith and love. One of courage and strength. We would all do good to follow her example. In a world hungry for heroes, I didn't have to look far. Amanda WAS my hero.

Many of us are looking for answers as to why Amanda was taken from us at such a young age. While I can't give you those answers I can put fourth my theory. In Psalms 139 verses 13 and 14 we read: 13 For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. God knew that Amanda's spirit was larger than life and could only reside in the body her mother and I pro-created for her for a short time. James 4:14 tells us: Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. While Amanda was more like a Texas tornado than a mist, the verse is still true. We should take comfort in knowing that as we approach a holiday we call Easter, with it's bunnies that lay eggs and other fables, Amanda is spending Passover and the Feast of First Fruits with our resurrected Savior in Heaven and she is having the time of her life with the true vine, the true blood and the true bread that was given once for us all. We all have the same opportunity that Amanda has been afforded by acknowledging Jesus as our Lord and Savior, Amen. May God bless all that hear this message.

Alexis and Amanda...

Amanda and Alexis

Bowling, sushi, grilled pork chops, chili, jalapeno poppers, whiskey, rum, beer, margaritas, girl’s night out, snow day drinks, that giant hummer of hers (!), Kandy and Frida, drunken late night political/religious/societal/music/dogs conversations, carharts, slip ons, TEXAS, cosmos, mangos and more Texas. I met Amanda in 2010, but didn’t really begin to know her until 2012 and if there’s anything that I’d take back about the two of us it would be that I didn’t try to know her sooner.

                When Amanda came back from Texas I was just coming back from home where I had to leave my daughter in the care of family while I prepared for my ship’s upcoming underways. My house was empty and hers was only four houses down so it was just perfect. I think I spent more time in January and beginning February at her house than mine. Amanda had a contagious spark like no other. I would come over after a bad day at work and completely forget about it. She kept my mind off my daughter and my mind on what I had in front of me. She taught me to…I don’t want to sound cliché but she taught me to be a better person. She taught me to laugh ‘cause most of the time it’s the only thing we can do. She taught me to look forward and never back. She taught me so much more than I can’t even recognize now. She taught me that Texas is amazing and I really should visit. We were so opposite on so many subjects but I think it only made us a better match. I will forever cherish these last two months with her. I had a dream on St Patrick’s Day that I had received a text from Amanda saying that she was home and healthy and sorry that she had missed St Patty’s day with me and I woke up thinking it was true. I thought it was a sign that things were going to get better and in a way they did, just not the way I wanted.

I still have a bottle of Gentleman’s Jack that I bought for when she got back home and I haven’t been able to drink it, but I think I’ll have a drink tonight with her. There better be whiskey in Heaven!!

Amanda, I hope you know how much you impacted me this year. I love you, girl! You’re such an amazing person and I can’t wait to see you again someday.

Love, Alexis

Much love to you and your family, it has to take some amazing people to make such an amazing girl.

Preparations...

I will not be posting for the next few days as we prepare for Amanda's memorial service. I will  resume my tribute to her life as soon as possible. It is my hope that others will be able to guest post and / or share their memories of Amanda. I would LOVE to feature those memories here.

If you have a memory of Amanda or tribute you'd like to share, please email me at jimdwarnock@gmail.com . I will copy and paste your email verbatim on this blog, so if you have typos or misspelled words, they will not be corrected. I want everything to be as real as your memories are.

Thank you so much for being Amanda's friends.

Amanda's Memorial Service

Amanda Elizabeth (Warnock) Cross (1990-2012) Age 22 of Buda, TX, went home to be with her beloved Saviour on Thursday March 29, 2012 after an extended hospitalization at the University of Washington Medical Center in Seattle, WA. Amanda succumbed to a lung infection after a noble lifelong battle with Cystic Fibrosis.

 Amanda was born at Brackenridge Hospital in Austin, TX on February 18, 1990 and grew up in Kyle and Buda, TX. She is the daughter of James and Veronica Warnock of Buda, TX. She leaves behind her husband Cody Cross of Kyle, TX, whom she married at Ruby Ranch Lodge in Buda on July 26, 2009. Cody is in the U.S.Navy and stationed in Bremerton, WA. Please hold him up in your thoughts and prayers.

Amanda attended Tom Green Elementary, Wallace Middle School, Barton Middle School and graduated from Jack C. Hays High School with the class of 2008. She was a four year cadet in the JROTC program there. She was a wedding photographer and videographer and produced her first music video in 2011. 

Amanda was a vivacious young woman with an adventurous spirit and a caring heart. Although she was very ill at times, she always put others first. She possesed a beautiful smile and touched everyone she met. Amanda loved animals and water activities and sunshine. Most people that knew Amanda found it hard to believe that she suffered an illness and Amanda never used her illness as a crutch, and refused to let it stop her from doing anything she wanted to do.

 Amanda is survived by her sisters Rachel Nelson of Elgin, TX and Jessica Ebell of Kyle, TX as well as her parents and husband.

 Memorial service will be held on Thursday April 5, 2012 at First Baptist Church of Buda, TX, 104 S. San Marcos St., Buda, TX 78610 (512) 295-2161 at 2:00 PM, with burial at Live Oak Cemetary on Twin Creeks Rd in Manchaca, TX. following the service.

 In lieu of flowers, it is the express wish of the family that you would join them in the fight against Cystic Fibrosis by making a monetary donation online at... http://www.cff.org/GetInvolved/ManyWaysToGive/MakeADonation/

Going home...

Today we go home. It is such a bittersweet return. As we were seated on the plane, Nightengale by Norah Jones played over the PA system. We all cried as we thought of our Amanda. She loves Norah Jones. She asked us to play Norah's music the last few days she was on earth. We played it for her over and over. It was hard to listen to today. We will go home now and busy ourselves in preparation for the funeral. Relatives and friends from all over will be flying to our little town to attend. Sort of a Big Chill Texas style. We wish Amanda could be there in person. We know she'll be watching from a far. And she'll be smiling in approval. The service will be held at the little country church where she was baptised so many years ago. So many people loved Amanda. I just hope the church can hold them all. Amanda, I know you know this, but we really miss you.

Rest in peace, my sweet daughter

Amanda died this morning shortly after 3 AM, as her beautiful mother cradled her head in her arms. She's in heaven today, doing all the things that CF kept her from doing. Glory be to God for such an amazing honor to have been her father, friend and brother in Christ. Though you're far away, we'll see you again someday. One of these days...

I love Amanda

Today has been really hard. It's just about the end for Amanda. If God doesn't bring forth a miracle, Amanda will probably die tonight.

Where does one begin to express feelings so deep and so raw. Cystic Fibrosis is an evil disease from the very pit of hell and it is robbing me of one of my greatest treasures. I am sick to my stomach right now.
Amanda is not processing CO2 properly and will soon stop breathing. Putting her on a respirator will not save her once her lungs fail. Her health fell so fast. In one short month she went from around 60% lung capacity, which is good for a young woman with CF at her age, to almost nothing. What a waste of such a wonderful person.

I gave Amanda to God when she was a baby. Soon He'll come calling for her. I'd like to take her back, but that's not possible. It also looks like there's no miracle that will save her. It's amazing that we are in one of the alleged best places in the country for CF'ers and they are powerless to heal her. Ladies and gentlemen, doctors are men, not gods like many of them think they are. One day, they'll be in the same predicament as my sweet Amanda. Maybe then they will bow to the true God and give up their empty headed ideas of who they are. Until then, we are stuck with powerless technicians known as doctors. God holds all the real power.

My beautiful wife has been here for almost two weeks, fighting this battle to the point of shear exhaustion. The same for Amanda's husband Cody. He has been such a loving son in law and husband to my sweet girl. Oh my dear Lord, I feel so bad for him. I will always love him for who he is and how he loved our little girl. I will pray for him the rest of my life that he will find clarity through this and find love. Amanda would want that.

I know when Amanda dies that she will be with Jesus. The Bible promises that for believers. It gives me comfort to know that I will see her again. She'll be happy and free of any illness. What a promise we all have in Him. It still doesn't soften the blow right now.

I have had so many memories made by Amanda. I love all my girls so much, but this poor baby got short changed. I had hoped for a cure, hoped for many more years with her, playing cards and drinking beer while she drank the occasional shot of whiskey. She could always drink me under the table. She had an amazingly strong liver. Her heart was stronger than strong too. I really think her other organs were SUPER organs and made up for her weekend lungs. She was a pistol, right to the end. I don't think you can drink in heaven, but if you could, she would and be one of the best at.

This past summer, while Cody was deployed in the Persian Gulf, she came to stay with us. I wouldn't trade those days for all the gold in the world. Besides, gold is just pavement where she's going. The things that really matter whether here or there are relationships, and we had a great one. Amanda always told Veronica and me that next to her twin and her husband, we were her best friends. That's one hell of a complement. We shot weddings together, went camping the week school started and had two whole state parks completely to ourselves. Amanda reconnected with old friends from high school days and even shot her first solely self produced music video. She wanted to be a videographer and was planning on leaving after a few weeks to go to a video school in Seattle. I even co-signed the loan. I could never tell Amanda no. She found out the real cost of the school and decided it wasn't worth the cost and ended up staying with us until the first of December. I and everyone that knows her was happy that she stayed. Time with Amanda was always precious and that time, more than almost any. I'll miss one my best friends dearly.

When Amanda got back to Washington to set up their new townhouse for her and Cody, she did it in style. Texas style. That girl LOVED Texas and would defend her state against any foe. In Texas we have a saying, "Don't mess with Texas". I think it should have been, "Don't mess with Texas or Amanda will mess you up". Amanda created a beautiful home for Cody and her. She never really got to enjoy it.

In high school, Amanda was a marksman on the rifle team. Veronica would always travel with her on the ROTC trips to make sure Amanda was OK. Amanda would always out shoot everyone. Even while sick at times. Had she not had CF, she might have become a Marine. Oorah! We would also go to the Marine Corp Ball every year. It was a big night out for us.

Amanda was instrumental in providing me the encouragement I needed to start my own appliance repair service. She and Veronica talked me into it while playing Rummy and I'm glad she lived to see it come to fruition. Amanda loved rummy. She was great at it and usually won. Amanda loved to win. Why shouldn't she, she was a winner. She beat us all again. First one to heaven. That may have been her plan all along.

Amanda was great with animals. She used to ride her cows and pigs and tie dolls on a boar's back with a rope. The rest of us could hardly touch them. Amada could lay down and take a nap with them. When she was eleven, Veronica let her get a inside dog. Her name was Kandy, because she looked like cotton candy. She loves that dog and that dog loves her. I wonder how it will effect Kandy when Amanda leaves us.

There is so much more I'd love to share about Amanda. I am just hurting too bad right now to say anymore. I am going to include her music video here at the end, so you can see how talented she was. Amanda was an artist, photographer, videographer, daughter, wife, twin, best friend, and so much more. I wish those of you who never met her could have. You'd have been honored.