My sister has always been my biggest encourager. She always had faith in me, even when I couldn’t, saying to me ‘Rachel I love you, I believe in you.’ That’s all it took. Even coming from my baby sister I would hang on her every word. Amanda was beyond thoughtful, I was always secretly trying to be as brave and strong as her. The memories abound, one of the first ones came to me while I was looking at pictures the day Amanda passed. I was in my living room when my daughter Gwendalyn came up to me. She looked at me, smiled. Gwen said, “Mommy sad?”. I replied, “Yes mommy sad, I miss aunt Momo.”. My sweet daughter smiled again and in such clear words said to me, “Mommy, Momo home with Jesus. Momo happy. Mommy happy too. “ . I was astounded. I had not said anything to her about what had happened, Gwen had only turned two a short month ago. How could my sweet girl just happen to put those words together? Those words? I know it was another way for me to find comfort. I just could not believe my ears.
So I began to think of the special bond Amanda had with each one of her nieces and nephews. Amanda
was the cool aunt that brought them treats, would play the games with
the kids and when it was time to change a diaper she would hand them
back to their mom in real cool aunt fashion. Gwenny took to aunt Momo immediately. When I had Gwen, I ended up having to have an emergency c-section after being induced. It wasn’t what I had pictured at all, but was all worth it when I laid eyes on my sweet girl. One thing that did happen was Gwen’s name. Her full name is Gwendalyn Elizabeth Nelson. Jacob and I had struggled with girl names, we did know that we wanted to name our first daughter after my sister. I wanted my daughter to be like her. To me brave, kind, loving, honorable, adventurous, and blessing to all who meet her. We decided that it would be weird to use Amanda’s first name so we used her middle name as Gwen’s, Elizabeth.
Amanda lived in another state at the time and told me she wouldn’t be able to come to meet Gwen for another two months. I cried and cried. Here I named my daughter after you and you can’t come! My little sister wanted to fight. Ha. As
I waited at home for my parents to come over, who pops through my front
door to wrap her arms around me from the backside of my couch? My sweet beautiful sister, it ment the world to me to have her there. I
found out later that Amanda had planned the whole thing, she wouldn’t
even tell Jessica because she knew Jessica would tell me and ruin the
surprise. To watch Amanda with Gwenny was magical. Manda
was so unsure, but Gwenny she just knew… it’s aunt Momo… she just gazed
at her unable to move her stare from those blue eyes.
My sister is my hero, she is the strongest person I have ever known. I was so blessed to have her as my sister. I wouldn’t be the sister, wife, mother, friend or teacher I am today without her. When I want to give up I look to her. When I want to second guess something or just go for it, I choose to just go for it and live. She inspires me to fight for what I know is right. Through her I have been taught what real compassion is, to care more about others than yourself. To love like crazy so that no one will ever look back and question if they were loved by me.
Amanda was the picture of living. Not letting this awful disease bring her sweet soul down. She was determined from the beginning to succeed. I rejoice in my baby sister going home. She means the world to me and always will. My daughter will know her. She will be shown what an amazing woman her aunt was and who I wish for her to be like. I miss you sister… I really really miss you.
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