I love Amanda

Today has been really hard. It's just about the end for Amanda. If God doesn't bring forth a miracle, Amanda will probably die tonight.

Where does one begin to express feelings so deep and so raw. Cystic Fibrosis is an evil disease from the very pit of hell and it is robbing me of one of my greatest treasures. I am sick to my stomach right now.
Amanda is not processing CO2 properly and will soon stop breathing. Putting her on a respirator will not save her once her lungs fail. Her health fell so fast. In one short month she went from around 60% lung capacity, which is good for a young woman with CF at her age, to almost nothing. What a waste of such a wonderful person.

I gave Amanda to God when she was a baby. Soon He'll come calling for her. I'd like to take her back, but that's not possible. It also looks like there's no miracle that will save her. It's amazing that we are in one of the alleged best places in the country for CF'ers and they are powerless to heal her. Ladies and gentlemen, doctors are men, not gods like many of them think they are. One day, they'll be in the same predicament as my sweet Amanda. Maybe then they will bow to the true God and give up their empty headed ideas of who they are. Until then, we are stuck with powerless technicians known as doctors. God holds all the real power.

My beautiful wife has been here for almost two weeks, fighting this battle to the point of shear exhaustion. The same for Amanda's husband Cody. He has been such a loving son in law and husband to my sweet girl. Oh my dear Lord, I feel so bad for him. I will always love him for who he is and how he loved our little girl. I will pray for him the rest of my life that he will find clarity through this and find love. Amanda would want that.

I know when Amanda dies that she will be with Jesus. The Bible promises that for believers. It gives me comfort to know that I will see her again. She'll be happy and free of any illness. What a promise we all have in Him. It still doesn't soften the blow right now.

I have had so many memories made by Amanda. I love all my girls so much, but this poor baby got short changed. I had hoped for a cure, hoped for many more years with her, playing cards and drinking beer while she drank the occasional shot of whiskey. She could always drink me under the table. She had an amazingly strong liver. Her heart was stronger than strong too. I really think her other organs were SUPER organs and made up for her weekend lungs. She was a pistol, right to the end. I don't think you can drink in heaven, but if you could, she would and be one of the best at.

This past summer, while Cody was deployed in the Persian Gulf, she came to stay with us. I wouldn't trade those days for all the gold in the world. Besides, gold is just pavement where she's going. The things that really matter whether here or there are relationships, and we had a great one. Amanda always told Veronica and me that next to her twin and her husband, we were her best friends. That's one hell of a complement. We shot weddings together, went camping the week school started and had two whole state parks completely to ourselves. Amanda reconnected with old friends from high school days and even shot her first solely self produced music video. She wanted to be a videographer and was planning on leaving after a few weeks to go to a video school in Seattle. I even co-signed the loan. I could never tell Amanda no. She found out the real cost of the school and decided it wasn't worth the cost and ended up staying with us until the first of December. I and everyone that knows her was happy that she stayed. Time with Amanda was always precious and that time, more than almost any. I'll miss one my best friends dearly.

When Amanda got back to Washington to set up their new townhouse for her and Cody, she did it in style. Texas style. That girl LOVED Texas and would defend her state against any foe. In Texas we have a saying, "Don't mess with Texas". I think it should have been, "Don't mess with Texas or Amanda will mess you up". Amanda created a beautiful home for Cody and her. She never really got to enjoy it.

In high school, Amanda was a marksman on the rifle team. Veronica would always travel with her on the ROTC trips to make sure Amanda was OK. Amanda would always out shoot everyone. Even while sick at times. Had she not had CF, she might have become a Marine. Oorah! We would also go to the Marine Corp Ball every year. It was a big night out for us.

Amanda was instrumental in providing me the encouragement I needed to start my own appliance repair service. She and Veronica talked me into it while playing Rummy and I'm glad she lived to see it come to fruition. Amanda loved rummy. She was great at it and usually won. Amanda loved to win. Why shouldn't she, she was a winner. She beat us all again. First one to heaven. That may have been her plan all along.

Amanda was great with animals. She used to ride her cows and pigs and tie dolls on a boar's back with a rope. The rest of us could hardly touch them. Amada could lay down and take a nap with them. When she was eleven, Veronica let her get a inside dog. Her name was Kandy, because she looked like cotton candy. She loves that dog and that dog loves her. I wonder how it will effect Kandy when Amanda leaves us.

There is so much more I'd love to share about Amanda. I am just hurting too bad right now to say anymore. I am going to include her music video here at the end, so you can see how talented she was. Amanda was an artist, photographer, videographer, daughter, wife, twin, best friend, and so much more. I wish those of you who never met her could have. You'd have been honored.